America's #1 Dipstick!

Let's face it, I've not been very happy with my car as of late. She's been bogging down and stalling. Let's make a quick check, shall we and pull the old dipstick on the engine that has run so smoothly for lo these last fifty years. Let's see now, just where is that thing anyway? Oh yes, I remember now, it's right where I left it when I last changed my oil in 'o8. I remember that year well, I had selected a new brand for the engine to run on. Now what was it called? Oh yes, Obamaoily – a super slickster lubricant that was supposed to get my car four carefree years down the road and CHANGE!

I'll just wipe the old dipstick off and poke her back down that hole. (Hmm. What)! OK, so yeah that oil had gotten itself pretty damn dirty alrighty roonie. Maybe Obamaoily isn't all it's cracked up to be! Maybe it's time for another oil change. Hmm, I've heard Cainoily isn't too bad...

Thing is, I love my car, I even salute her every morning when I go to the garage. But dag nab-it, she's been hard to start and when she does get to running, it's usually backwards. I'd take her into a mechanic, but I'm not sure I can afford what it's gonna cost me to fix her up. Just look at that oil pan would ya!! All black and gunked up to hell and gone! Yep, it's definitely time for a change.

Georgia's Best Cainoily

"A special 9-9-9 blend of ingredients that are guaranteed to get your engine back to peak performance no matter what the weather, no matter what the climate!"

Things may be looking up! Then again....

One day while I was feeling depressed and sitting alone in the woods a tiny voice spoke in my ear. It said "Cheer up things might be worse!" So, I cheered up and sure enough....

Please don't tell Obama...

Obama’s good news department…

As the world and the United States heads into a very uncertain year I thought I would take a pause and look at all the things that did not happen in 2010.

California did not drop off into the sea, much to the chagrin of some. While it’s true that the state is currently drowning in debt, at least it has the support of millions of illegal aliens who are even now making a pilgrimage to their version of Mecca. Perhaps we can rename the state the Newer New Mexico. Just a thought.

Speaking of aliens, the Muslim Nation (God bless them) have also elected not to settle into America en mass at this time. They are too busy with Europe. Look for them in 2011-12.

Texas was unable to secede from the Union, at least on this go around. Now, it too, is saddled with debt to the tune of ten billion dollars (hey welcome to the crowd). Most of it spent while trying to fight a border war that should have been fought by Obama and his hemorrhoid buddies in government.

Dire warnings by the United States National Academy of Sciences that a sudden, unexpected climate change—on a scale that could cause widespread drought or plunge Earth into a deep freeze—have not occurred and they are puzzled.

A super volcano caldera that lies under a good part of Yellowstone Park in Wyoming is a time bomb that is also showing ‘significant activity’ in 2010. Should this baby decide to blow its top, scientists think that perhaps all of North America would be devastated followed by a pronounced deterioration of global climate. A situation which would endure for a few years following the eruption. This could result in the devastation of world agriculture, severe disruption of food supplies and mass starvation (imagine two billion starving Asians). These effects could be sufficiently severe to threaten the fabric of civilization as we know it. So, OK…that also did not happen. Barrack baby, you’re on a roll!


Lastly, there was no impact by any asteroid such as the one that exterminated most of the life on earth 540 million years ago. Should one occur in 2011, however, it is thought that even though man will not survive, the lowly cockroach may. Then, perhaps in a hundred million years, or so, this form of life might evolve to become a higher order of creature once again. Like say a congressman or attorney.