How to bring the two political sides together real fast!

As I've watched the Democrats and the Republicans move at cross purposes for so many years, I've learned that things will not likely change... until, that is, a new threat arises!

Washington D.C. - It's 2044 and President Barbarossa flickers to life on video screens everywhere.

'My fellow Americans, I come to you this day to inform the Nation that a hostile Alien force from somewhere in space has now parked themselves into orbit above our heads.' The President pauses for a few seconds and appears to be perspiring before continuing... 

'We have received and decoded a message from them. Ah, a message that appears to be an ultimatum.'

All across the Nation, people stopped in their tracks. Some thought this might be a joke while others were not so sure. Then the President continued speaking.

'As best we can tell, there are over a thousand large ships manned by a race that calls themselves the Khur. They made it clear to us, early on, that they are carnivores and that they are very hungry after crossing vast distances.' The president looks off screen as though to gain confirmation, swallows and continued.

'Well, without further delay, I'll read you the message' -

'Biotics of the puny planet below our mighty warships. We have come to dine... on you. Please don't not fear as your deaths will be swift! Ha Ha. No, I was making a jest. The mighty Khur prefer our food to be alive when we consume it. That is all.'

And on that one day, the American political parties were unified. Of course the next day they were all eaten alive... End of story.

The real truth about that radar dish going down!

Springfield MO. – Rumors have been running amok ever since late June the 14^th when the Doppler radar tower stopped functioning after a freak 'storm' crossed the area. Almost immediately some people began to report on what they felt was the cause of the stoppage. One prominent rumor had it that an alien spacecraft had landed nearby and that strange creatures were using the dish to send signals out into space to help organize a full invasion! Balderdash I said. As I had the real scoop. But, I hesitated to speak about it as it might foment general panic to erupt. But now, after some time had passed, I felt it was time to come clean with what I knew.

Witches were responsible. There! I said it. More to the point, it was a witches coven that had set up shop at the Springfield building on West Highway EE near the airport. Sadly, I feared that all the weather personal had since been boiled in a large pot and consumed. Now four semi-attractive evil demons from hell were ensconced inside that white ball on top of a sixty foot tower, doing only God knows what.

Being a man of strong and true fiber, I've decided to wait until midnight on June 24 when the moon is full and then penetrate deep inside the ball and even perhaps one of those witches... Wish me luck!

Note: For a real situation report - go here!

I was under attack! By my A1 sauce!

Forsyth MO. - At first I thought there must be something wrong with my eyes! I was sitting at a local restaurant having a nice quiet breakfast when I noticed that something very strange was happening to my bottle of A1 sauce. It seemed to be slowly oozing some sauce, or what looked to be sauce down the side of the bottle! Curious, I leaned closer. It was right at that moment that time froze for me. For I could see little pairs of eyes looking back! I leapt back from the counter in complete terror and yelled for help!

Alien pee?

'Hey come over and look at this!', I practically screamed. From twenty feet away, my sever looked up at me with bored eyes.

'What's it this time, Buster? Is your toast too soggy?', she inquired without moving at all in my direction. Meanwhile, one of the critters had made it down to the counter top and seemed to be growing at an alarming rate! I thought I could also hear a tiny tinkling sound.

Eyes, practically now bugging from my head, I couldn't help but notice that the A1 Thingy was also apparently relieving itself as it moved slowly in my direction... I hopped from one foot to the other and pointed excitedly at the still oozing bottle, or was it not a bottle at all, but perhaps some tiny alien ship that just happened to look like a bottle of A1?

Finally, taking her own sweet time, my server came over with one eye brow raised almost to her hairline. As she did this, the little alien guys scattered and disappeared. One second there, and the next gone!

'Look Bud', she intoned. 'They don't pay me nearly enough that I can to come running everything you thought you saw something. So, what is it this time? She asked me in a most sarcastic tone of voice.

Well, what could I say. Suddenly there was just that one pristine bottle of A1 on the counter, sitting there as innocent as all heck. Meanwhile the server continued her withering gaze, unabated.

'Uh, sorry. It was a false alarm', I muttered with my head down. 'I'll finish my coffee and leave.'

The server, still glaring, abruptly turned and walked away. But, just as she did so, that bottle spin around twice and vanished with nothing to show it had been there, but a slight popping sound as air rushed in to fill the sudden vacuum!

Later, after I got home, I began to wonder what had happened to the little creatures that had slithered off? Maybe, just maybe, they went somewhere to hide and to grow. Maybe, just perhaps they'll make a a grand appearance on Monday, October the 31st...

Disclaimer: This was a work of pure fiction. There were no creatures and the reason for the oozing was due to a bottle being overfilled'. Everyone at the restaurant, in question, maintain the highest professional standards!

River Run Park! An alien invasion point?

Strangely, an aerial view of River Run takes the form of a bird of prey!

Nestled deep in Ozark country in an obscure location in southwest Missouri lies a federally run public use park known to locals as River Run. A place where strange events may point to an alien invasion as reported by Billy Sims.

Forsyth MO.- Located just to the west of the small town known as Forsyth Missouri, River Run Park looks innocuous at first glance. Seen from high overhead one is immediately struck with the appearance of the outline of a birds head! A bird of prey at that! With 32 camping/RV sites each with a covered picnic table, electrical power and water supply one would think it an average, garden variety park where people go to enjoy the great outdoors. That's what one would assume. But. Things may not be as they appear. Take those canopy covers, for instance. In early December 2013, 14 of them were removed along the river's edge leaving a forest of steel poles stretching skyward. Why was this done? To what end? Some of the local citizens think they may have answers....

Dan Owen, an aging local resident, has lived on the outskirts of the park for many decades. His home is strategically perched up on a hill that overlooks it, and so provides him with the perfect observation point with which to watch what transpires down below. According to Mr. Owen, over the years, this park has provided many a strange, and even possibly alien events over the years. I decided to let Dan describe some of these in his own words...

----------------------Excerpt

“Well yes sir”, Dan told the reporter one afternoon in the early spring of 2014, “that there place makes my skin crawl and I don't know why! It's just all them strange things I've observed over the course of time that's got me to wondering what the heck fire is going on!”

When Mr. Owen was asked by the reporter if he could be more specific, he related the following.

“ Why yes, I understand you young writer fellas wanting some detail. OK, well how about them lights! Yes sir, sometimes late at night, I get me a strange feeling. Kind of an electric tingle shoots through my body that gets me all jittery, so I get out of bed. Well sir, sometimes when I've gotten up and have looked out back towards the park, why I've seen me some looking strange lights that moved here and there random like!”

“Couldn't those have just been car lights?” The reporter inquired with a slight smirk on his face.

Dan's wrinkled face crunched up as he eyed the young man closely for a long moment. Then with pursed lips he stated a little tersely, “ Naw sonny, I know me the difference between car lights and lights that ain't on no car! Them lights were a moving, why they moved up and down and this a way and that a way. I'm telling you it just weren't natural looking!”

“OK...” the now skeptical reporter asked slowly, “what else have you seen, Mr. Owen?”

“Well now, just hold on to your garters, boy! This here tidbit is the real deal. I done saw them

Is this an alien antenna array?

government agents take the tops off 14 of the campsites. They done left nuthin but steel poles all sticking up skywards! Looked to me just like one of them NASA antenna arrays, I'll tell you right now! I thought to myself that just mebbe they was a transmitting something to the aliens!”

I could see that the old guy was getting a little worked up at that point and tried to calm him down somewhat.

“Now sir, I'm sure there is a logical reason why the Corps of Engineers would remove all those canopies.” The reporter continued. “I saw them laying around on the ground, in the park, when I drove through it on my way to your place.”

“Oh, yeah!” he responded. “You tell me, reporter man, why someone would go to all the trouble to take off that many of them metal tops! Why they must weigh a couple of hundred pounds or more each! No, I'm purty sure that we gonna have us an alien invasion and it's gonna be pretty darn soon!”

“Well, I can see your point,” he told him as he packed up his gear. “ I guess we'll just have to wait and see what develops. Meanwhile, I'll be sure to get this story in the local paper, Mr. Owen.”

With that the reporter took his leave. As he departed, the old man gazed after him and muttered, “well boy, I'm gonna keep watching the sky over that park, I'll tell you sure. Yes sir, you betcha. I'll be watching the sky...”

So who's still advertising on Beck? March 8 edition...

According to Media Matters, back in March 2010, at least 80 advertisers have reportedly dropped their ads from Glenn Beck's Fox News program since he called President Obama a "racist" who has a "deep-seated hatred for white people." Really? And what or who was your source of information. The local crapper?

In my opinion, Media Matters should concede that they lied and are, in fact run, by a group of elite Socialists Aliens who want to see America toppled. They are in fact a group of genetic throwbacks, hairballs and losers that can't make money honestly so they go after hard working men and women. Well, listen up dweebs....

Glenn Beck and the Fox Network currently capture the lion share of the media market for their time slot. I would be proud to advertise with these folks. You folks at Media Matters, on the other hand, are still up there with the sewer rats and social psychopaths that make up the majority of your subscribers. That's my opinion anyway.