The mystery of the misshapen jelly dispensers!

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It doesn't take much to upset my nice and tidy world. I've learned how to duck out, tune out and otherwise not notice that my country is falling down around my ears. But, those poor twisted jelly dispensers, make that just about cooked my noodle!

In the picture, you'll note that while the strawberry jelly packages lie perfectly flat, those grape dudes are having a tough time finding enough space. Why, you ask? It's because that entire side of the container has been somehow twisted out of true – possibly due to a spacial distortion of the three dimensional quantum continuum that Eisenstein like to talk about so much. Literally, the grape side of the plastic dispenser may have gotten pushed into a 'parallel universe' for just a fraction of a second and then savagely ripped back! The end result is pretty awful, I'd have to admit. And, while these SD's may be extremely rare, they've apparently struck with a vengeance at the restaurant I like to frequent. All, I repeat, all of the jelly dispensers were likewise afflicted and amazingly it's only on the grape side!

What does all this mean? Well, I've submitted a theory to the US government, that this may just be the tip of the spacial distortion iceberg. I'm betting that very soon all sorts of ubiquitous items will turn up all twisted and bent out of shape. Take our members of Congress for example...