Whoever said...

Just asking for a friend....

My predictions for September 2020!

Please note that the last time I was anywhere near accurate, it was 1967 and I predicted a heavy snow in Chicago! My prediction turned out to  be a blizzard and so my career in weather forecasting began with a shaky start as many blamed me for the mess.... That aside, her are some random predictions for September!

Biden gets sick! And then...

Poor old Joe catches the Covid-19 virus and is laid up for 8 weeks in his basement under quarantine! He is unable to debate anyone due to a bad case of laryngitis. And while he will get elected President in November, it will be short lived as Biden while die of complications, making Harris the new President.

Chicago burns to the ground! Mayor blames Trump!

In an effort to stem problems with a high death toll happening in her city. Mayor Lightfoot will decide on a policy of serialization. After the city is fully engulfed, she will hold as news conference declaring that Trump was the reason and sole cause of the inferno!

China will announce that the G4 virus has escaped! Oh my!

What will be termed a 'super virus' will somehow escape from China and infect the world. Like the Covid-19 strain, this virus will also be extremely infectious but not very deadly. CNN will take that information and spin it 1280 degrees as being similar to the Captain Trips virus of a Stephen King novel. Tens of millions in the US will panic buy goods and then lock themselves away. The CDC will then publish inflated figures of the sick and dying as we enter into that later parts of the year.

Hurricane hits NYC!

As though NYC didn't already have enough problems, a category 5 hurricane will slam into NYC about mid September.  Governor Cuomo will announce he's going on a long term junket to China while leaving the management of the storm to De Blasio. Millions will flee the city leaving a trail of thousands dead.

BLM and Antifa will merge...literally.

In what has to be one of the strangest announcements ever,  Black Lives Matter and Antifa will announce a joining together in one of the largest gay events ever held in LA. CNN will declare its approval as thousands form a giant pile of humanity bent of fucking each other to death. Some moderates will literally die of laughter.

Finally, Pelosi will take a dive from her podium!

Nancy Pelosi will  arrive at the House to make a speech, but due to a possible state of inebriation, will take a tumble into the seats. As she is taken away, she will announce that she was standing firm for denying Americans much needed relief.

So, it would look like September is going to be a very interesting month, all said!

DanO's Place! A concept!

DanO's Place in Forsyth MO. A twenty first century concept in Bar/Grill establishments! 

Talk about low places that are also small. I give you DanO's Bar and Grill! A 900 square foot enterprise that boasts a small grill serving up dogs, burgers and chips along with an assortment of drinks and brews intended for a local crowd!

This '21 Century concept bar' has a focus on being very efficient in terms of heating and cooling costs via limited space that only allows for fewer than twenty four patrons at one time. The interior is open with a micro-bar that seats 12 with tables that seat twelve diners.

This is my concept of 'winning' bar and eatery establishments going forward....

Go figure the odds! Asteriod now likely to hit the Earth!

CNN - Apparently last month, one of Trump's secret spy satellites collided with the asteroid named 52768 (1998 OR2) which is estimated to measure 2.5 miles (4.1km) across. This Mount Everest sized chunk of rock was supposed to near miss the earth on April 29, but now appears to be headed for a direct collision on or about April the 29^th!

Needless to say, this probable mass extinction event will likely put a huge damper on the November 2020 election cycle, as few if any humans, are expected to survive to that point in time! Chuck Schumer, in a prepared statement, told CNN that Trump was now in fact, a 'true existential threat' to the entire world! He then announced his retirement.

The asteroid, which is now estimated to be traveling at 19,461 mph or over 25 times the speed of sound, is thought by experts to be 'pretty darn hard' to stop or divert in the time allowed. They've recommended that the US call for an April month long National Holiday with everything being free of charge! Bernie Sanders was all smiles concerning this development with Joe Biden also accusing Trump of engineering this disaster as a means of avoiding a Presidential Debate! CNN, meanwhile, has announced all day long coverage of when the asteroid hits as a way to raise their ratings.

There is just a small chance that the asteroid will skim by just over the surface, and then rocket back out into space. Unfortunately, it would be taking most of the earth's atmosphere with it. Sorry to be a buzzkill, but it's hard to spin this event up into a better light!

Lastly, this just in. In a surprising twist, it was just confirmed that the satellite was a joint effort conceived of and launched by Russia and Trump, over a year ago, with it's destination being Uranus.

See! Trump's gone and done it again!

Washington D.C. - 'Today, I come to you with a heavy heart'. Intoned a solemn Chuck Schumer, as he stood at a podium flanked by other Democrats. He shuffled some papers and then looked directly into the camera and state, "As you all know, the Coronavirus has now infected almost 80 individuals all across our great country and I have called again on President Trump to declare a State of Marshal Law, effective immediately." [A tittering sound came from somewhere behind him.. was that laughter?]

"As you know, President Trump has done everything possible to impair the House's call for one trillion dollars in aid to help curve off what might be an out of control pandemic.' Chuck stopped for a moment to let his grave words sink in... He then resumed, 'What we have now a situation that will have an even graver impact than the recent 4000 point drop in the Dow Jones!' Chuck then raided a forefinger and stabbed it at the nearest camera. "And let it be known that this has transpired on Trump's watch!" Chuck took a deep breath. "My fellow Americans, something must be done about the monster before he wrecks the economy even more than what we've endured these past three years!' Chuck then spread his arms while his eyes sweep the auditorium.; "True, thus far only a few citizens have perished from the virus, yet perhaps this is only the beginning of the end!" Directly behind Chuck and off to his left, Nancy was smiling ear to ear. She was also looking just a bit deranged...

The room was so silent, at that point, you could hear a pin drop. Chuck then reached down and pulled up a handful of documents and held them proudly up for everyone present to see. 'I have here NEW articles of impeachment that were drawn up in a closed door session just last night.' He then turns and solemnly hands the papers over to Nancy, who seems about to swoon. Chuck continued. 'Our evidence of high crimes is overwhelming (this time) and I will be calling for a full vote in the House next Tuesday.'

Chuck then turns as though he was finished speaking, but stops and turns back to face the cameras. 'Oh, I almost forgot. Sanders has taken suddenly ill and is in a coma. Graciously filing his shoes will be Michelle Obama, who I am sure will do a great job!' Chuck then left the stage and headed for his chair, where He shooed out an invisible person, before sitting down.....

Pretzel candle grilling (PCG). Will a new eating craze sweep the nation?

Forsyth MO. - In an otherwise completely nondescript small town located in southwestern Missouri, a revolutionary new grilling technique was born. The question now is just how popular the practice will become!

I was sitting at a local bar on an otherwise droll sort of cheerless day in January where the outside temperature was near freezing. Unfortunately, so was the bar due to a heating unit failure. So, it was, in an attempt maintain a modicum of body heat, that I had absconded with a small candle sitting on the bar that gave my chilled fingers some small amount of life-giving heat....

There I sat, sipping my brew-ski while watching flat screen TV at the far end of the bar. Suddenly, a somewhat strange looking man sitting next to me, roughly reached over and grabbed my candle. I was sure a fight was brewing when he did that and looked at him with a glare. Instead, the strange man smiled at me and proceeded to take a pretzel from a bag, slide it onto a straw and then held it over the flame. After a moment or two, he grabbed that morsel and ate it. A smile of satisfaction breaking out on his face.

'I say there. sir.' I intoned in a strident tone of voice that broke. ' But, what the heck are you doing with those pretzels and MY candle?'

He smiled back at me, and then handed me the straw and another pretzel and said, 'Here. Give it a try.'

As I was a bit flummoxed and unsure, I decided to do as he had instructed..... Then, after a moment or two, I grabbed the now warm morsel and ate it. Too my great surprise, it was incredible, as there was a hint of pumpkin pie taste that must have been given off by the pumpkin pie scented paraffin.

After that moment, it was with wild abandon that we both began to grill pretzels while drinking, laughing and watching the fog given off each time we exhaled into the cold bar air....

And so, something new came out of the evening, as I intend to bring pretzels and candles with me on my next visit....

The upcoming impeachment hearings for 2021!

After Trump wins the 2020 election cycle and remains President for another four years, Democrats are very likely to continue on in what has become the tradition of unseating the un-seatable.

December 2020 – As newly elected President Donald Trump prepares to march the Nation forward for a new term, beginning in January 2021, Democrats will be spending all their time trying to impeach him on some brand new charges of potential Presidential misconduct.

As I had an ear to that rumor mill, here were just a few of the 'hot' topics that I understand are being talked about behind very closed doors....

• Charges of potential criminal larceny, to be filed, for the intentional misappropriation of funds for such items as White House toilet paper. Code name 'Shit Storm'.
• An investigation into a potential sex scandal involving many high up Chinese government women. Code name 'Ah So'.
• Gathering evidence that Trump was secretly working with Russia on developing an intelligent fungus that would replace people via absorption. This accomplished through the manipulation of the earth's magnetosphere that would cause everyone, (excepting those Democrats who had a working symbiotic relationship with the aforementioned fungus) to regain power! Code name 'A Fungus Among Us'.

If any of these investigation proved to be true, it would be an existential threat to Democracy, the US Constitution, black people and the World at large.

Wind, rain and cold. What's not to like?

Sewer fish a la mode!

On rare occasions, I manage to come up with a recipe that is a tad strange, even for me. This creation was made using a stargazer fish that was raised in a fish pond in central China. It is cleaned then cooked in a briny soup composed of lentils, bok choi, onions, mushroom pieces and tomato paste mixed with water. After about two hours or until the meat is falling off the bones, it is then served in a shallow bowl. I once prepared this and served to a women on a first date at a dinner party for two at my home. The expression on her face, when I placed the dish in front of her, was absolutely priceless! Sadly, the evening did not work out. Bon Appetite!

An old man eating soup.

While sitting in a cafeteria at a care center, recently, I heard an old man state: 'Good living is like a bowl of homemade vegetable beef soup. It's a crazy mix of assorted veggies with some meat tossed in to make the whole thing work. It takes effort to prepare correctly, quite a while to cook, but in the end it's an awesome experience.'

I told him that didn't make much sense to me. He responded to my by asking, 'Do you even like making soup?' He asked with a concerned face.

I said no, not particularly. Too much work. Me, I like the canned stuff. You know, it's quick and cheap. He smiled, took a spoonful close to his mouth, blew on it and then gulped it down. 'There you go', he said with a smile. You just made a Democratic Party case for me.... That which is good comes at a cost to build. That which is cheap also comes at an even higher cost'.

Enceladus attacks!

Who knew that when the Cassini probe crashed into Saturn last year that the event would be taken by the inhabitants of the small moon Enceladus as a declaration of all out war!

But, that's apparently what happened after NASA scientists received a burst radio message that read '

Cryptologists quickly translated that into 'Hey Bro! WTF? We are a coming to pay you a visit fool!' They also sent a pic of themselves......................

Initially, the US military was very concerned, until that is, they learned that the size of the average Enceladian was only about 4 to 5 microns! (That's about the size of a large virus)! Much laughter then ensued after realizing that a million of them would fit into a small thimble....

That laughter was quickly extinguished, however, when it was also established that humankind would be easily killed en mass, if large numbers of of us became infected by this 'bug'! There was no built-in immunity and no cure to handle this novel invader! (In addition, the invader's ships would be very hard to spot on radar as even the largest battle-cruiser was only about the size of a golf ball)!

On Capitol Hill, the issue quickly became intensely political as the Democrats and the Republicans quickly took opposite sides, with one side wanting to welcome and then quarantine the armada, while the other side wanted to develop new rules to allow for open and free immigration of these 'friends from afar'. And, of course, nothing got done from that point on.....

A stormy day in spring!

The day began calm enough with partly cloudy skies, nice temps at about 70 and the only sign of coming trouble the very persistent winds out of the east. It was a though there existed a mammoth floor vacuum somewhere just over the western horizon that was sucking for all it was worth.

DanO was sitting in his easy chair, sipping on a cup of hot coffee when the first rumble of approaching doom sounded outside. He got up and went over to a west facing balcony where he could see very dark clouds boiling upwards with occasional lightening flashes lancing out like heavenly arrows. Just then, my weather alert radio went off. Grimacing, he quickly walked over to it and slammed my hand down on a button to silence the pesky device. The room then lit up with a dazzling lighting flash and at that moment he knew what he had to do.

“It's that damn climate change', he mumbled to himself as he went to the sliding glass door of his forth floor condo and firmly closed the drapes. He then shuffled off in my robe to climb back into bed to sleep through the coming storm....

---------------------------

Fifteen minutes later, DanO was sound asleep as a category F-5 tornado sporting winds of over 290 miles an hour tore through the entire complex leveling every building in a mindless inferno of wind and debris that left nothing much alive above ground. The half mile wide path of destruction used an elaborate set of boat docks as the bullseye leaving not a shred of evidence that anything had ever existed there before. But wait! There's more!

In what scientists would later describe as nothing short of a miracle, old DanO managed to survive even after the twister first tore open the ceiling above his bed and then scooped it up to go flying hundreds of feet into the air with a not very much awake man holding on. That ride lasted for over five minutes and ended as the man and the bed were almost gently deposited in a field near a park over five miles away!

Emergency personnel, upon arriving at the scene, were shocked to see the man completely unharmed. And rather than going to the hospital to be checked out, he requested they drop him off at area thrift shop, as all his clothes had been stripped from his body.

And so began the legend of Twister Dan the Naked Man! [Novel to come in the fall of 2019]

Sauerkraut, wiener and potatoes!

A wiener, sauerkraut and a half baked potato! What a great luncheon idea! True, many folks do not like (even hate) sauerkraut, but I would say to them, 'Sie wären ein mieser Deutscher'! As man man with just a bit of pure Aryan German blood flowing in his veins, I fully embraced the concept of eating semi-rotted cabbage soaked in vinegar! Mein gott!

My other signature lunch time meal, which also employs a wiener, is the Anthony Wiener Pork N Beans dish I created some time ago! (And no, the picture at right is not one of Anthony's actual penis, as I've been told it is too small to photograph)!

This SWP meal, as I like to call it, goes together like a dream in that you only have to bring a hotdog wiener to a boil, nuke a small russet potato for about four minutes, add some sauerkraut and then nuke the whole mess for another two minutes or so. As a finishing touch, I also often add a dab of sour cream to the potatoes. Bon appetite!

Nutritionally, this meal is relatively low in calories and carbs! At about half a buck in cost, it's also kind to the pocketbook.

When science and compassion are at odds! An interview.

Today, I have with me Dr. Danomanno Dingo! Dr. Dingo is a renown scientist who has had numerous submissions for Nobel prizes over the past many decades. He's promised to answer some questions, today, regarding America's seemingly endless love with all things science.

Narr: 'Dr. Dingo. Is it true that many of the worlds leading scientist look up to you on questions regarding just about everything?'

Dr. Dingo: 'Why yes, thank you for asking. After getting my degree from the University of Detroit back in the 50's, I have endeavored to seek out only the truth concerning many questions that plague us even this day.'

Narr: 'That's great to know doctor. And please tell us where you stand politically?'

Dr. Dingo: ' Politically? Really? The fact is, young man, I don't think much about politics other than to say that those folks on MSNBC really seem to have their 'stuff' together. What was that program... Oh, yes. Those folks who are on that program called The Five. Why they're just the jam in my jellyroll!'

Narr: 'Jam? What? Let's just try and stay on topic sir. The reason I decided to interview you today was to talk about science and what the enormous costs of doing has done to America...'

Dr. Dingo: 'Oh my, now that's a hot button topic isn't it. Well yes, some science is OK. Bit other areas are really just a waste of time! Take NASA, for instance. Over the past many decades, they've been shooting those crazy men and women all over space and for what. The only thing NASA ever developed out of the entire space effort was the Slinky.. [Dr. Dingo hold one up which immediately falls out of his hand and slinks down onto the floor.] Why did we spend over 30 trillion dollars to develop a lousy cheap toy? That just don't make no sense! What we could have done was house ALL those nice migrant folks, whose a still coming up over the border, for them kind of bucks. But no way Jose! And now NASA is all a twitter over a 'picture' of some black hole! Why heck, if they wanted a something like that, my girlfriend is available to...'

Narr: 'No, let's not go there sir. OK? What I wanted to ask you was just how real do you think climate change is and do you think AOC was correct when she stated we have only twelve more years?'

Dr. Dingo: 'AOC? Oh, you must mean that Alexandria chick. Man, that's one hot Latino. [DanO grins and winks.] Well, that woman certainly has her head screwed on straight! Yes sir, climate change is a fact of life that all the scientists, I know of, fully support. I mean it is changing and cows do fart and that's exactly what I am talking about!' [Dingo stoops down to pick up his Slinky and stuffs it into his pants].

Narr: 'So, I take it you think America should do less science stuff and be more compassionate to illegal aliens. Is that about right?'

Dr. Dingo: 'Damn straight! If we could just round us up all those billionaire and, you know squeeze every penny we could outta them, heck everything would be free free free to all the down trodden in our society. You know who I'm talking about. Poor people like that Pelosi woman. Who needs space? And shucks, now that I think of it, we already got ourselves places like China and Russia to take care of the great beyond. Let's let them do that stuff while we sit back and get us some free housing, healthcare, education and food! Then, we could all sit back and see what happens....'

What a great idea - mutated mosquitoes!

January 4, 2019 - For the first time, researchers have begun large-scale releases of the genetically engineered insects, into a high-security laboratory in Terni, Italy. The insects were custom designed to carry and to inject tiny flesh eating microbes into a target host that would then rapidly multiply and dissolve the host from within.

"This will really be a breakthrough experiment," says Ruth Stooler, an entomologist who runs the lab. It's a historic moment. But, God forbid if they ever got out into the world at large!"

The goal was to see if the mosquitoes could eventually provide a powerful new weapon to help eradicate malaria in Africa, where most cases occur.

"It's very exciting," Mueller says, but warned that the 'very same mosquitoes' still have an appetite for biting humans and livestock as well. She then assured this reporter that the enclosure was perfectly 'fail safe' and that no mosquito could ever get out during the testing phase.

-------------------------------------------------

 Reuters - Feb 12, 2019 -  Reports of escaped mutant mosquitoes have been reported and seemed to be rapidly spreading all over southern Italy. The World Health Organization is investigating.

Note: While this story is made up fiction. Researchers are actually messing around with the genetics of an insect that can rapidly spread disease.What could possibly go wrong? The original story released by NPR can be seen by clicking here!

DanO's Place to open soon!

No, that's no ghost inside - it's our jukebox!

Can you believe this place - Sure it looks a bit rough on the outside, but just wait until you step inside. And please don't mind the corpse pictured at left. That customer died of natural causes, we are told!

DanO's Place will be featuring state of the art cuisine, (just as soon as we can find a working stove. For now, all our breakfast offerings are prepared on a Coleman propane camp stove right out back). Fred, our current chef, was recently hired right off the street, and while his cooking skills are still improving, the man seems very eager to please! And then there's Jan, our server, who while being a bit of a closet case, does have two working hands! We are expecting great things out of her.... very soon.

Our hours are currently from 7AM to 11AM Monday thru Friday. We are only serving breakfast, at this time, (as the local building inspector is generally out and about after 11AM). But, we hope to be expanding hours where we will offer the same stuff, just rearranged a bit.

And, will you just look at that menu at right! We've put a lot of time into its composition and in getting it printed up. Wow! We are proud to offer our diners THREE wonderful selections! Well, two actually, as item #3 does require a strong stomach!

Stop by and see us, soon!

NOTICE! In what could be a record - DanO's Place opened at 7:02 AM on a Monday only to be closed at 8:14 AM on the same day, when the building suffered a partial collapse. The single customer was last seen screaming and running down a side street, and apparently did not pay their bill. Also injured during the event was a server who lost one hand. DanO has promised that he will re-open at some point.

Is Apple preparing for the coming civil war?

The rumor mills were in high gear after hearing news of Apple's recent purchase of a Military base. A location where the company said they planned to test a new car concept. Balderdash, I say!

Here's my take on the real deal here. Apple is secretly working with Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and other left wing nuts in a vast plan to take over the United States. Outrageous you say? Just consider the players involved here. Apple is losing money left and right and is growing desperate. Nancy and Chuck are merely desperate at the thought of losing power. Combine the two with additional financial backing from Soros and you have the capitol needed to purchase weapons of war! Yes, before we know it, retired B-52 bombers will be flying CAP over Silicon Valley California!

Remember you heard it here first!

Democrats employ the Chewbacka Defense over the wall!

My fellow Americans, Chewbacka is a wookie!

Does Chewbacka look like a wall to you?

No! That just don't make no sense!

Building new walls, does that make sense?

No! Wookies don't build walls, and that's a fact!

Now should we build a border wall using wookies?

That just don't make no sense!

Do I make sense? No, I don't make sense.

And that's why we must not build any more walls!

MOMO challenge misguided!

A children's 'game' starts when a person adds a phone number belonging to “Momo,” a woman with large eyes and a sharp grin. The participant is then sent various challenges before ultimately being told to kill themselves. If they do not, they are threatened with a curse.

I was totally against this sort of nonsense for kids, but felt it might have merit for oldsters like myself. To that end, I invited two other older people to play, with me being the big MOMO!

My first text message challenged both of them to send me all their money.

My second challenge was for them to kill themselves, less I unleash the dreaded McDanO Curse.

So far, I haven't heard back from either of them. Wait a minute, there's a squad car pulling up outside. Perhaps this is some sort of response!

Leaving Forsyth!

Excerpt - Dudley Storch, age 34, woke up with a rather severe hangover. It was an early Monday morning in spring and all around him were the sounds of other people who were living in his apartment building, getting ready to go to work. Looking out a nearby window, he could see that it was going to be a bright and sunny morning. The sounds of car doors being opened and then shut drifted up into his room.

'Shit', he thought. 'Do they have have to make so much noise?' Dudley slowly sat up in bed and stretched. A movement that only made his head pound more. Slowly, so as not to pass out, he swung his feet over the edge and onto the floor. One foot lightly rested on an overturned beer can. As he stood up, however, the can collapsed under his weight. (Thankfully, it was empty of any contents). Just then, there was a loud knock out in the living room at his front door.

[Bam Bam Bam] 'Hey in there! Anyone at home?' Came a muffled feminine voice.

'Yeah, hold on a sec will ya!' Dudley shouted out from his room, while trying to get one foot into a pair of faded jeans. His foot didn't quite make the leg hole and he stumbled against a dresser. Hopping up and down now, he was finally able to get both his feet into the jeans and was then able to wrench them up around his small waist. (A waist that also exhibited just the hint of a developing beer gut). He also needed to pee, but felt the need to get to the door first to see what all the fuss was about.

Out in the living room, everything had gone quiet. Dudley, shirtless, with splayed out hair and a full bladder approached his front door. He grasped the knob and slowly opened his door that had a large '5' on it, stamped just over a peep hole. Looking out both ways, he saw that the hall was empty before noticing a white piece of paper that had fallen from the door jam. Bending down, with a frown on his face, he picked it up and went back inside.

Going to the bathroom and then into the kitchen, he tossed the note onto the top of a well worn kitchen table before scrounging around inside the fridge. Grabbing a container of milk and some juice, he turned to place them next to the note before going after a half empty box of cereal.

Finally, seated with a bowl of Cheerios and a glass of milk and juice, he opened the note and read....

Crumpling the note up in a fist, Dudley's headache got even worse...