Cicada Attack!

OK, OK, so it was only one little cicada that flew into my ear one Memorial Day as I was out watering my garden, but I gotta tell ya, it scared the crap out of me. Turns out that cicadi (not sure of the plural form) can produce a loud enough sound that they could actually deafen you if they do it next to your ear…which this one ended up doing! I’m not sure who was more scared, me or it (me for sure). It’s bad enough just have these guys flying around the yard this time of year making the racket they make, but those large red eyes really give me the creeps. Just now, having one barrel into my ear was a whole new experience. One that I don’t want to repeat thank you very much.

But, in hindsight, this fax pas attack got me to wondering. I recalled killer bees and how they can easily be provoked to attack and even kill on occasion. Why they exhibit this behavior is unknown although some scientists think it may be due to a gene mutation. Cicada, while appearing innocuous, sport a large penetrating proboscis that can be quite painful if it’s inserted into human skin. Now, just imagine a thousand mutant Cacadi attacking one hapless person?

Could that actually happen? Well, according to the scientists I’ve spoken with the odds are slim. Maybe as high as one in six.  There would have to be a genetic mutation that would allow for an aggressive tendency to express itself. Something that could only happen if the insects eat leaves that have pesticide residue on them…which many plants do in the Midwest. That would not be a good thing for Americans. About as bad as the tics that have been found with wings in Central America.

The American Dream

A song: Let’s keep on kicking that can!

I’m still waiting for some enterprising group out there to come up with a song whose lyrics are something like this:

Summer’s here, let’s go get some beer

The parties on and getting in gear!

My wallets full of bills that are aglow

Hot of the press and raring to go.

Cheap as you can, here comes Uncle Sam

The man’s so loaded he’s done exploded

Keep on kickin that can man

Living for the moment, while we still can.

Kick it so far, on through the night

Living this way, we all get a bite!

Cheap as you can, here comes Uncle Sam

The man’s so loaded he’s done exploded

Monies cheap and getting cheaper

Not far behind comes the grim reaper.

China’s gettin screwed by all this shit

Maybe it’s her turn to take the hit!

Cheap as you can, here comes Uncle Sam

The man’s so loaded he’s done exploded

Critique: Banquet’s Boneless Pork Rib Meal

Finally! After working my way through a gaggle of 'buck-a-meal' Banquet offerings over the past month, I think I may have found the pick of the crap. Uh, crop.

Whenever I think of pork ribs, I’m always reminded of the infamous McRib that is still offered, off and on, by the McDonald’s franchise. While over-priced (like much else they offer), it still tastes pretty good. (I think this is due, in no large part, to that tangy sauce! Take that away and you'd maybe have a Banquet Meatloaf Meal in a bun).Yuck!

The cooking instructions (like many of Banquet's dollar meals), runs along the line of; slit it, nuke it, stir it up and then nuke it 'one more time baby' just to make sure it's positively and absolutely dead.

After watching my evening meal spin around for three minutes in the microwave (can you get brain damaged from doing that? ), I went to the fridge, got the butter out and grabbed a fork from the dishwasher. Man, I'm ready to eat!

A short time later, while seated at a table, I pointed my TV remote at the tube and got down to eating this meal a deal. As usual, the process went pretty fast (hunger does that to you). Also, there just wasn't all that much to eat... about 370 calories and two hundred and something grams, if I remember correctly. (Actually, every $1 Banquet Meal comes in at only 300-400 calories, now that I think about it. A factoid I may want to investigate at some future date.)

Surprisingly, the overall taste of this meal was much better than I’m used to from Banquet! Whereas most of the critiques I’ve done were lucky to get a six on a scale of ten, I ranked this one a solid 8! The combo of mashed potatoes, corn and BBQ sauce on rendered pork is hard to beat and good to eat!

Update: Since this post, Banquet has since downsized this meal and now calls it their Boneless Pork Riblet Meal! The newer and smaller meal is only 283 grams for 310 calories. What progress!

A single raindrop’s life!

This is a drawing of a raindrop that fell from the sky over my home at precisely 5:25:03 PM CST on Monday, May the 23^rd. The little guy committed suicide after what was apparently a fall of some great distance. Nor was he alone. Countless other raindrops also fell that day, splattering themselves pointlessly on the ground in and around my humble adobe. It was quite a mess as you could well imagine.

I’m pretty sure this particular raindrop was also heavier than average. I would estimate he had over ten quadrillion molecules of water in him which would be considered pretty obese in some raindrop circles. Not morbidly obese, mind you, but definitely a drop to be reckoned with.

It’s a good thing that raindrops are immortal. After his 'demise', my drop will eventually evaporate (reincarnate) into the atmosphere where he will rise back up to the heavens…only to fall from grace once again. A cycle that has been repeated endlessly over the last three billion years.

Maybe next time, he will fall over some great ocean. There, in the company of other fellow drops, he might spend a long time before parts of him are once again lifted up and the cycle repeated. Why, just imagine where ten quadrillion molecules might end up over time!

Then again, this particular raindrop might get lucky enough to fall over one of Earth's poles where he could become part of a glacier.  Existing in a solid state, he could well lay in suspended animation for tens of thousands of years. Slowly crushed down into a crystal of clear blue ice as billions of his mates cover and protect him over the centuries.

Yes, the life of a single drop of rain can be most interesting.

This posting on a raindrop was the sole creation of the Forsythkid.

Most people know instinctively which way the wind blows!

I’m not sure what it is, but when nasty weather is in the offing, most people know it. And they know it without the need for the media too. In that sense, we are much like most animals that can sense trouble, even when that trouble is far off. Maybe it has to do with the humidity or the way the wind blows, but something in a primeval part of our brains assimilates the data and begins to send a signal of unease to the rest of the body. 

The events, last night, of May the 22^nd was a good case in point for me. Well, before the warnings came up on the TV and even before my conscious mind understood the severity of the storm that hit areas like Joplin Missouri, I was doing stuff I don’t normally do in preparation for bad weather. Stuff like checking to make sure the flashlight had good batteries and moving a folding chair to my storm shelter under the stairwell. My location in Forsyth Missouri and was in the path of the storm that ended up killing so many that night. Even thought the storm cell over Joplin didn’t look all that dangerous on the internet radar screen, a feeling of unease began to surface.

I can also remember watching a program on the TV and being interrupted by the warnings issued by the National Weather Service. My thought, as they came with more and more frequency, is that most viewers had already turned to the local channels where the coverage of the system impacting the area was now non-stop. But, I also had the feeling that even if a person didn’t have access to a media outlet, that they might be instinctively reacting to the changing conditions around them. I’m not sure how it could be done, but this would be a good area for researchers to look at. Some questions that could be researched are; 1) do humans (or animals) instinctively know when dangerous weather is nearby and 2) what internal mechanism that allows them this knowledge?

That’s all for this blog. Another storm is approaching….

Random Thoughts for May the 22nd

A true rain stopper – clean your gutters!

Everyone knows that the surest way to bring unwanted rain is to simply wash the family car. It’s sure fire! (Note: If your neighbor happens to do the same thing on the same day, you’re guaranteed a downpour). I’m not sure why this works, but it does.

If, on the other hand, you want to halt any rain before it occurs, then just do what I do. Go out and clean the gutters. I did this recently. My downspouts were plugged up and, of course, it rained cats and dogs. But, after getting up on the roof and cleaning them, no more rain! It was a real miracle! I even called the Patent Office to see if I could get this process trademarked, but they hung up while I was describing it. Guess someone else beat me to it.

A new game show on Fox!

I understand Fox News will be coming out with a new game called ‘Name that Presidential Accomplishment’. Contestants will have ten seconds to name one thing that Obama has done while in office other than HealthCare. Talk about Mission Impossible!

If that show doesn’t work out, Fox will wheel out another one called ‘Guess where our southern borders are now’. That one could be a hit.

How’s that $4 gas working out for ya?

Unlike previous episodes in the great game of ‘oil cartel roulette’, it looks as though the record high prices you and me are paying at the pump will be settling in for the summer. There’s not going to be any lowering of the prices anymore children. You’ll have to learn a new word to add to the vernacular of ‘Oilese’. That would be ‘plateauis’. Right now the price of gas has hit a ‘plateauis’ where it shall rest a bit before moving onwards and upwards.

In case you missed the two words I added last time. They were ‘URscrewed’ and ‘Takeitindabutt’. The first word is an adjective, I think, while the other one is a condition. Feel free to try these out in a sentence next time you’re filling up the old jalopy.