Sunday, May 22, 2011

Random Thoughts for May the 22nd

A true rain stopper – clean your gutters!

Everyone knows that the surest way to bring unwanted rain is to simply wash the family car. It’s sure fire! (Note: If your neighbor happens to do the same thing on the same day, you’re guaranteed a downpour). I’m not sure why this works, but it does.

If, on the other hand, you want to halt any rain before it occurs, then just do what I do. Go out and clean the gutters. I did this recently. My downspouts were plugged up and, of course, it rained cats and dogs. But, after getting up on the roof and cleaning them, no more rain! It was a real miracle! I even called the Patent Office to see if I could get this process trademarked, but they hung up while I was describing it. Guess someone else beat me to it.

A new game show on Fox!

I understand Fox News will be coming out with a new game called ‘Name that Presidential Accomplishment’. Contestants will have ten seconds to name one thing that Obama has done while in office other than HealthCare. Talk about Mission Impossible!

If that show doesn’t work out, Fox will wheel out another one called ‘Guess where our southern borders are now’. That one could be a hit.

How’s that $4 gas working out for ya?

Unlike previous episodes in the great game of ‘oil cartel roulette’, it looks as though the record high prices you and me are paying at the pump will be settling in for the summer. There’s not going to be any lowering of the prices anymore children. You’ll have to learn a new word to add to the vernacular of ‘Oilese’. That would be ‘plateauis’. Right now the price of gas has hit a ‘plateauis’ where it shall rest a bit before moving onwards and upwards.

In case you missed the two words I added last time. They were ‘URscrewed’ and ‘Takeitindabutt’. The first word is an adjective, I think, while the other one is a condition. Feel free to try these out in a sentence next time you’re filling up the old jalopy.

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