Sunday, June 26, 2011

The rise of the extremophiles!

Extremophile (from Latin extremus meaning "extreme" and Greek philiā (meaning "love") is an organism that thrives in physically or geochemically extreme conditions that are detrimental to most life on Earth.

My friends, I feel we may be poised for a biological invasion and aberration of our environment which could drastically affect life on earth as we know it. Insects which now number in the hundreds of billions and which fill every earthly niche may soon mutate into new realms heretofore unavailable to them. I bring you the rise of a new class of bug able to tolerate both extremes of cold and heat. Bugs that can exist in fine style inside your home refrigerator, freezer or oven, eating whatever they can find. Termed psycrophiles, these bugs will have developed metabolic enzymes that can work at temperatures as low as zero degrees Fahrenheit. Temperatures so low that not even the freezer will be out of their ravenous reach! Just think of the physiological shock of opening the refrigerator door one evening in search of a late night snack only to find the shelves filled with cockroach sized bugs scurrying here and there!

But wait! It gets worst, far worst. For I also prophesize the advent of the thermophiles. Bugs that have forsaken a carbon based life for one centered on silicon. Yes, my fellow doomed hominids, bugs essentially made of glass that will enable them to easily withstand temperatures in excess of 400 degrees Fahrenheit! Holy hot muffins! Imagine such critters invading your food as it’s cooked on the stove top or, God forbid, even in the oven! In a world gone completely mad, humankind may soon be forced into a pitched battle with only metal and glass canisters offering them safe haven. Sadly, even that will be short term as some may develop gastric acids that will break down even these barriers. There's only one hope for humanity. Eat like there is no tomorrow! Yes, that’s the solution! If we eat all the food, well why then, there will be nothing left for those critters from hell to consume?

And that, I swear to you doctor, is why I’m so damn obese!

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