Sunday, March 27, 2011

The Haunting of Baker House!

Chapter One

After suffering years of hearing laughter behind his back, a courageous and innovative man in southwest Missouri has managed to assimilate positive scientific evidence of ectoplasmic infestation by the use of a seismograph of all things!


Danomanno Dingo, a citizen of the sleepy town of Forsythia Missouri knows all about the word derision.  In school, when his name was called in class, there was always that background chuckle by cruel-minded classmates. He suffered through High School with students and teachers taunts. 'Hey Dingohead DanO', was common as was 'DanO the Dink'. A constant and nonstop barrage of insults that never ceased. Is it any wonder that Mr. Dingo barely graduated at the bottom of his class of 600? But, I digress.

Danomanno did survive school and even found a job working at the town's only manufacturing plant. A small nondescript building located at the end of Coy Blvd, on the north side of town. It's name was proudly proclaimed on a small sign in front as ABC Rectal. DanO, let's call him that from now on, worked on the production line for many years as the quality control inspector for a company that made specialty rectal brushes. But, I digress yet again.

DanO has resided in a small, lean-to kind of house on the outskirts of town at the end of Louseur Lane. It was originally a repossessed property whose owner briefly made national news by killing himself when the commode he was sitting on collapsed into the basement. His name was Billy John Rapper and yes my friends, the headlines read 'Rapper killed by his crapper'.

After the funeral, which was attended solely by the local town drunkard, the house was taken over by the bank who promptly sold it on quick auction to (you guessed it), our boy DanO. And, it was shortly after DanO had taken possession (and had repaired the hallway bathroom) that he began to experience problems of, shall we say, a surreal nature. It seems a ghostly apparition began making regular appearances in the hall next to the bathroom door. An apparently mean spirited ghost who would often rouse DanO out of his slumber when a single loud noise issued from the area of the bathroom next to his room. Yes, it seems that Billy the Crappy Rapper had returned to the scene of his untimely demise and was reliving his fall from grace time and time again. No shit shinola!

When DanO tried to relate these goings on to his fellow workers on the rectal brush line, he was met with some skepticism. “Ya'll got to have applesauce for brains', one worker remarked. “You know, everybody already thinks you're sneaking these here brushes to home. Now, you a tellin us you got yourself a ghost?” Laughter drifted up and down the line with this remark.

On the issue of brushes, DanO vehemently denied having any need to scrub his derriere. But, he realized that, at the same time, his credibility was now in doubt. He needed a way to document an event that could happen anytime day or night, or which might not happen again! That's when he came up with the idea of using a seismograph....

Stay tuned for the next installment of 'The Haunting of Baker House', where DanO brings actual physical evidence, in the form of a seismograph, to astonished co-workers.

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