Outside an old man's ramshackle hut, a
storm was raging! Every few minutes, a brilliant flash of lightening
would make the night day before the night quickly rushed back in. A few seconds
later, the sound of deep rumbling thunder would echo through a
driving, windswept rain. The old man gazed through the rain streaked window. A howling wind tore relentlessly at the
'structure' he called home. Structure...hovel, hut whatever. Spartan and cheap would also serve well
as meaningful descriptors. Even the few soiled living room furnishings seemed to scream
for release from their earthly bonds. Clustered together in the tiny
room, like survivors from some shipwreck, were an EZ chair (now totally misnamed), a
side table made of shoddy plastic and a TV of unknown age. Everything looked used and worn out, just like their owner. The EZ chair listed a bit
to port, even more so if anyone attempted to sit in it. There
were very few takers.
DanO Omanno Dingo was standing in the
kitchen holding the bottom portion of a bun. He had been attempting to make a type of
hamburger he affectionately referred to as a DanO Burger... only he'd
hit a snag in the process of burger assembly. It seemed somewhat likely that either his mongrel
dog (a rather sluggish creature who spent more time outside than in), or one of the
various rodents that roamed the place had absconded with the top
portion! A quick inspection had also confirmed that this was the last bun in the house!
Looking around, DanO lowered his head, frowned and then
sighed. Such had been his luck ever since last fall when his woman
had left him for some hotshot shoe salesman from the city. Some guy
named Ralph, (who actually waddled from being grossly overweight and who smelled
a little like a garbage can that had been sitting in the hot sun for too long) had won her affections. Why
she had left him for that guy was beyond DanO's comprehension. DanO 's revelry was interrupted when he heard a noise in the next room...'probably a rat' he thought to himself. 'Well, good
luck and good riddance', DanO thought bitterly to himself as he refocused on his
burger. 'Let's just see what I can do with
this mess', DanO uttered this to his dog Muddles who had just slinked into
the kitchen bearing a guilty expression of lust fulfilled.
'That old dog is the slowest and
dumbest critter God ever fashioned', he thought to himself. 'But
when it comes to them lady dogs, why he's a regular pile driver'...
DanO abruptly stopped and thought about that for
a second. 'Pile driver... hmm. Not a bad name', he reached for the bottom bun and centered it on the counter in front of
him.
'I'll just pile on all the good stuff
and take it from there!' He shouted down to his dog... Muddles responded by
keeling over and falling almost instantly to sleep. (His most recent late evening bout
with a long haired poodle from across the way had seriously tuckered
him out). Poor guy.
And thus the Pile Driver burger was
born. A true story. Eat with fork and knife!
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