Saturday, March 14, 2015

The Pile Driver is born!

Outside an old man's ramshackle hut, a storm was raging! Every few minutes, a brilliant flash of lightening would make the night day before the night quickly rushed back in. A few seconds later, the sound of deep rumbling thunder would echo through a driving, windswept rain. The old man gazed through the rain streaked window. A howling wind tore relentlessly at the 'structure' he called home. Structure...hovel, hut whatever. Spartan and cheap would also serve well as meaningful descriptors. Even the few soiled living room furnishings seemed to scream for release from their earthly bonds. Clustered together in the tiny room, like survivors from some shipwreck, were an EZ chair (now totally misnamed), a side table made of shoddy plastic and a TV of unknown age. Everything looked used and worn out, just like their owner. The EZ chair listed a bit to port, even more so if anyone attempted to sit in it. There were very few takers.

DanO Omanno Dingo was standing in the kitchen holding the bottom portion of a bun. He had been attempting to make a type of hamburger he affectionately referred to as a DanO Burger... only he'd hit a snag in the process of burger assembly. It seemed somewhat likely that either his mongrel dog (a rather sluggish creature who spent more time outside than in), or one of the various rodents that roamed the place had absconded with the top portion! A quick inspection had also confirmed that this was the last bun in the house!

Looking around, DanO lowered his head, frowned and then sighed. Such had been his luck ever since last fall when his woman had left him for some hotshot shoe salesman from the city. Some guy named Ralph, (who actually waddled from being grossly overweight and who smelled a little like a garbage can that had been sitting in the hot sun for too long) had won her affections. Why she had left him for that guy was beyond DanO's comprehension.  DanO 's revelry was interrupted when he heard a noise in the next room...'probably a rat' he thought to himself. 'Well, good luck and good riddance', DanO thought bitterly to himself as he refocused on his burger. 'Let's just see what I can do with this mess', DanO uttered this to his dog Muddles who had just slinked into the kitchen bearing a guilty expression of lust fulfilled.

'That old dog is the slowest and dumbest critter God ever fashioned', he thought to himself. 'But when it comes to them lady dogs, why he's a regular pile driver'...

DanO abruptly stopped and thought about that for a second. 'Pile driver... hmm. Not a bad name', he reached for the bottom bun and centered it on the counter in front of him.

'I'll just pile on all the good stuff and take it from there!' He shouted down to his dog... Muddles responded by keeling over and falling almost instantly to sleep. (His most recent late evening bout with a long haired poodle from across the way had seriously tuckered him out). Poor guy.

And thus the Pile Driver burger was born. A true story. Eat with fork and knife!

No comments:

Post a Comment