Saturday, October 8, 2011

Critique: Banquet's Cheesy Charbroiled Patty Meal!

Now here’s a meal for only a buck that you will not be able to turn down! Actually, you might after reading this. I’d have thought that Banquet had done everything possible to destroy and mangle a ½ inch slice of meat by this point. But, I’d be so very wrong! The 'meat' is actually an unholy marriage of processed turkey and pork, aka PorTurk! A key ingredient of a food used to punish unruly prisoners that is known commercially as Nutriloaf!

Yes, they’ve gone and done it! In what I'm sure must be an endless research in their secret product kitchens to make food even more cardiac challenged; Banquet has now ladled a nice thick artery clogging piece of cheese over the top of what had been a mystery meat to begin with! (I’m also not quite sure what those little sores are on the surface of the cheese)?? Bacon bits you say? Is that supposed to make this meal more appealing? OoooK... At least the mashed potatoes look pristine…I mean who could f***-up mashed potatoes?? Don’t answer that.

The prep segment is nice and short and if you’ve made this before; easy to remember. Cut a slit over the potatoes, nuke for 2 ½ minutes, remove plastic from meat section and spoon the ‘gravy’ over the meat, recover, stir the potatoes and nuke for another 2 ½ minutes. Let stand, and then go out for some real food - just kidding. Hey! Where did all that gravy come from? Oh, yeah, guess the word 'smothered' was a hint!

So, here’s my score card on this meal deal:

Pkg Art:     7    The picture on the box is way prettier than the actual meal.
Reality:      4    I’ll just close my eyes and nuke it into submission.
Cost:          8    OK, it’s only a buck! What can possibly go wrong?
Smell:        3    Not sure there is one. Think I can smell the tray, though…    
Texture:     7    Chewy, but edible in the sense that MRE’s are edible.
Taste:        5    I did like the potatoes! Woo-Woo!
Average:    5.7 Consider leaving this one at the grocery store.

I have to keep reminding myself that this meal OK considering the price point. Something to consider as my future looks to be financially driven in the direction of even more meals like this. (Perhaps this is God’s way of enacting revenge for that time I feel asleep in church)!

So, the score of 5.7 speaks for itself. It's mediocre at best! This is not a dinner I plan to ‘stock up’ on anytime soon. You might want to, however, keep a few in the freezer just in case relatives come over that you don’t particularly care for. Serve this meal on a dingy plate with stale bread for the Sunday meal and that should be the last you’ll see of them for some time.

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