My predictions for September 2020!

Please note that the last time I was anywhere near accurate, it was 1967 and I predicted a heavy snow in Chicago! My prediction turned out to  be a blizzard and so my career in weather forecasting began with a shaky start as many blamed me for the mess.... That aside, her are some random predictions for September!

Biden gets sick! And then...

Poor old Joe catches the Covid-19 virus and is laid up for 8 weeks in his basement under quarantine! He is unable to debate anyone due to a bad case of laryngitis. And while he will get elected President in November, it will be short lived as Biden while die of complications, making Harris the new President.

Chicago burns to the ground! Mayor blames Trump!

In an effort to stem problems with a high death toll happening in her city. Mayor Lightfoot will decide on a policy of serialization. After the city is fully engulfed, she will hold as news conference declaring that Trump was the reason and sole cause of the inferno!

China will announce that the G4 virus has escaped! Oh my!

What will be termed a 'super virus' will somehow escape from China and infect the world. Like the Covid-19 strain, this virus will also be extremely infectious but not very deadly. CNN will take that information and spin it 1280 degrees as being similar to the Captain Trips virus of a Stephen King novel. Tens of millions in the US will panic buy goods and then lock themselves away. The CDC will then publish inflated figures of the sick and dying as we enter into that later parts of the year.

Hurricane hits NYC!

As though NYC didn't already have enough problems, a category 5 hurricane will slam into NYC about mid September.  Governor Cuomo will announce he's going on a long term junket to China while leaving the management of the storm to De Blasio. Millions will flee the city leaving a trail of thousands dead.

BLM and Antifa will merge...literally.

In what has to be one of the strangest announcements ever,  Black Lives Matter and Antifa will announce a joining together in one of the largest gay events ever held in LA. CNN will declare its approval as thousands form a giant pile of humanity bent of fucking each other to death. Some moderates will literally die of laughter.

Finally, Pelosi will take a dive from her podium!

Nancy Pelosi will  arrive at the House to make a speech, but due to a possible state of inebriation, will take a tumble into the seats. As she is taken away, she will announce that she was standing firm for denying Americans much needed relief.

So, it would look like September is going to be a very interesting month, all said!

Go figure the odds! Asteriod now likely to hit the Earth!

CNN - Apparently last month, one of Trump's secret spy satellites collided with the asteroid named 52768 (1998 OR2) which is estimated to measure 2.5 miles (4.1km) across. This Mount Everest sized chunk of rock was supposed to near miss the earth on April 29, but now appears to be headed for a direct collision on or about April the 29^th!

Needless to say, this probable mass extinction event will likely put a huge damper on the November 2020 election cycle, as few if any humans, are expected to survive to that point in time! Chuck Schumer, in a prepared statement, told CNN that Trump was now in fact, a 'true existential threat' to the entire world! He then announced his retirement.

The asteroid, which is now estimated to be traveling at 19,461 mph or over 25 times the speed of sound, is thought by experts to be 'pretty darn hard' to stop or divert in the time allowed. They've recommended that the US call for an April month long National Holiday with everything being free of charge! Bernie Sanders was all smiles concerning this development with Joe Biden also accusing Trump of engineering this disaster as a means of avoiding a Presidential Debate! CNN, meanwhile, has announced all day long coverage of when the asteroid hits as a way to raise their ratings.

There is just a small chance that the asteroid will skim by just over the surface, and then rocket back out into space. Unfortunately, it would be taking most of the earth's atmosphere with it. Sorry to be a buzzkill, but it's hard to spin this event up into a better light!

Lastly, this just in. In a surprising twist, it was just confirmed that the satellite was a joint effort conceived of and launched by Russia and Trump, over a year ago, with it's destination being Uranus.

See! Trump's gone and done it again!

Washington D.C. - 'Today, I come to you with a heavy heart'. Intoned a solemn Chuck Schumer, as he stood at a podium flanked by other Democrats. He shuffled some papers and then looked directly into the camera and state, "As you all know, the Coronavirus has now infected almost 80 individuals all across our great country and I have called again on President Trump to declare a State of Marshal Law, effective immediately." [A tittering sound came from somewhere behind him.. was that laughter?]

"As you know, President Trump has done everything possible to impair the House's call for one trillion dollars in aid to help curve off what might be an out of control pandemic.' Chuck stopped for a moment to let his grave words sink in... He then resumed, 'What we have now a situation that will have an even graver impact than the recent 4000 point drop in the Dow Jones!' Chuck then raided a forefinger and stabbed it at the nearest camera. "And let it be known that this has transpired on Trump's watch!" Chuck took a deep breath. "My fellow Americans, something must be done about the monster before he wrecks the economy even more than what we've endured these past three years!' Chuck then spread his arms while his eyes sweep the auditorium.; "True, thus far only a few citizens have perished from the virus, yet perhaps this is only the beginning of the end!" Directly behind Chuck and off to his left, Nancy was smiling ear to ear. She was also looking just a bit deranged...

The room was so silent, at that point, you could hear a pin drop. Chuck then reached down and pulled up a handful of documents and held them proudly up for everyone present to see. 'I have here NEW articles of impeachment that were drawn up in a closed door session just last night.' He then turns and solemnly hands the papers over to Nancy, who seems about to swoon. Chuck continued. 'Our evidence of high crimes is overwhelming (this time) and I will be calling for a full vote in the House next Tuesday.'

Chuck then turns as though he was finished speaking, but stops and turns back to face the cameras. 'Oh, I almost forgot. Sanders has taken suddenly ill and is in a coma. Graciously filing his shoes will be Michelle Obama, who I am sure will do a great job!' Chuck then left the stage and headed for his chair, where He shooed out an invisible person, before sitting down.....

The upcoming impeachment hearings for 2021!

After Trump wins the 2020 election cycle and remains President for another four years, Democrats are very likely to continue on in what has become the tradition of unseating the un-seatable.

December 2020 – As newly elected President Donald Trump prepares to march the Nation forward for a new term, beginning in January 2021, Democrats will be spending all their time trying to impeach him on some brand new charges of potential Presidential misconduct.

As I had an ear to that rumor mill, here were just a few of the 'hot' topics that I understand are being talked about behind very closed doors....

• Charges of potential criminal larceny, to be filed, for the intentional misappropriation of funds for such items as White House toilet paper. Code name 'Shit Storm'.
• An investigation into a potential sex scandal involving many high up Chinese government women. Code name 'Ah So'.
• Gathering evidence that Trump was secretly working with Russia on developing an intelligent fungus that would replace people via absorption. This accomplished through the manipulation of the earth's magnetosphere that would cause everyone, (excepting those Democrats who had a working symbiotic relationship with the aforementioned fungus) to regain power! Code name 'A Fungus Among Us'.

If any of these investigation proved to be true, it would be an existential threat to Democracy, the US Constitution, black people and the World at large.

Oh boy... More Trump impeachment drama...

After finding the mass new media still obsessed with Trumps impeachment, I got disgusted and so moved onto other channels. The ads on CNN suck! Way too many ads that focus on stuff I'll never buy. So, I went back to something that was way more fun... Hitting my big toe with a hammer! https://forsythkid.blogspot.com/2019/07/pink-floyd-time-and-pansporial.html

Another interstellar visitor has arrived!

C/2019 Q4 (Borisov)

We could get an up-close look at our solar system's latest interstellar interloper a quarter century from now if we so desired, a new study suggests.

Late last month, Russian amateur astronomer Gennady Borisov spotted a comet that appears to be visiting from very far away. The odd trajectory and tremendous speed of the object, known as Comet C/2019 Q4 (Borisov), strongly suggest that it was born around another star rather than our own sun, scientists say.

This comet is the third potential interstellar visitor we know about — and all of them were spotted in just the past two years. Is this then a possible alien invasion force?

US poised to turn to Socialism?

'Vote for me, I am totally serial'

According to recent pole, well know socialist Bernie Sanders would defeat Trump if an election were held today!

Wow! That's got to be a big shot in the arm for the millions of recent college grads who are desperate to unload crushing student loan debt. Bernie would do away with those, he says. Who would get the bill? Why Corporate America of course! OK, so what about other advantages of a Democratic Socialist Nation? Well, let's see...

One, an estimated 20 million illegal aliens would be granted citizenship along with preferred status for housing, food, education and healthcare as they would be instantly dropped below the former group of poor US citizens! And, who would pay for that... those filthy rich corporations! No entiendo ingles? No problem, Congress could make Spanish the other American language.

Two, as a Socialist country, the US would be granted instant acceptance from countries like China, Russia and Iran. Think of the advantages, as we partner on up with these fine commie folks to plumber the rest of the world with crappy trade deals. Sweet!

Three, work will be optional! This is one of my personal favs as Bernie promises a fair wage to everyone no matter what their skill set might be. And, if you prefer not to work, YOU STILL GET A PAYCHECK! What's not to like.

Finally, other than a very small controlling central government authority, EVERYONE WOULD BE EQUAL! Yes, the millions of citizens here would all become the same shade of grey. You know, like you see in Venezuela....

So, to summarize. Once Bernie gets elected, things would change pretty damn fast here in the United States. Each citizen would be treated exactly the same by the new government, would get pretty much the same access to food and healthcare and would have a wide choice of government offered work. Yes, a life of leisure with no real need to own guns or go to church, as the government will be there for you, (like almost instantly it problems crop up in an otherwise ideal life).
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One very small caveat (noun: a warning or proviso of specific stipulations, conditions, or limitations). Under socialism, it really pays if you are a close member of the POWER ELITEaka the CGA! Yep, that 1% of power mongers who will live the life of Riley with no limits! And, I can make that happen for you, if you act fast!

German ban on burkini lifted. Is America next?

BERLIN – A German court has lifted a city's ban on the burkini, an all-encompassing swimsuit used by some Muslim women.

Wearing the garments in municipal pools in the western city of Koblenz was forbidden at the beginning of this year after the local council narrowly approved a ban. Officials argued that the suite makes it impossible to check whether wearers have open wounds or diseases.

The rules were challenged by a Syrian asylum-seeker, a pious Muslim who said doctors had recommended that she use a swimming pool to tackle pain caused by a back problem.

Rhineland-Palatinate state's top administrative court said Friday it has issued an injunction lifting the burkini ban pending fuller consideration of the case. It found the rules violated the German constitution's call for people to be treated equally. [Source: Fox News]

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Me: Just in time for the start of summer! I'm so glad that this city in Germany has finally seen the Islamic light! Proper attire will likely be a topic for us as here in America, as it's no secret that the Muslim population is exploding! And, proper Islamic swim attire, such as this will come into the domestic Media spotlight in the near future. (Seriously, I'm concerned that MSNBC has not yet covered this developing story). I'm totally serial!

Unlike the American bikini (which lets it all hang out), the burkini covers up 98% of the female body from prying male eyes. And that's a no-no, as under Sharia law, as a man's property is a man's property.

A related topic that needs some consideration is just how the Islamic LGBT community here in the US will react? Should there be a 'Manburkini' developed for the devout transvestites female partner? What about either sex that may identify as the other sex on a moments notice? Perhaps a kind of window blind version could be sold that would allow the user a peak-no peak option. It's all very confusing to me, and as a result, I'm planning on staying away from all beaches this summer...

A stormy day in spring!

The day began calm enough with partly cloudy skies, nice temps at about 70 and the only sign of coming trouble the very persistent winds out of the east. It was a though there existed a mammoth floor vacuum somewhere just over the western horizon that was sucking for all it was worth.

DanO was sitting in his easy chair, sipping on a cup of hot coffee when the first rumble of approaching doom sounded outside. He got up and went over to a west facing balcony where he could see very dark clouds boiling upwards with occasional lightening flashes lancing out like heavenly arrows. Just then, my weather alert radio went off. Grimacing, he quickly walked over to it and slammed my hand down on a button to silence the pesky device. The room then lit up with a dazzling lighting flash and at that moment he knew what he had to do.

“It's that damn climate change', he mumbled to himself as he went to the sliding glass door of his forth floor condo and firmly closed the drapes. He then shuffled off in my robe to climb back into bed to sleep through the coming storm....

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Fifteen minutes later, DanO was sound asleep as a category F-5 tornado sporting winds of over 290 miles an hour tore through the entire complex leveling every building in a mindless inferno of wind and debris that left nothing much alive above ground. The half mile wide path of destruction used an elaborate set of boat docks as the bullseye leaving not a shred of evidence that anything had ever existed there before. But wait! There's more!

In what scientists would later describe as nothing short of a miracle, old DanO managed to survive even after the twister first tore open the ceiling above his bed and then scooped it up to go flying hundreds of feet into the air with a not very much awake man holding on. That ride lasted for over five minutes and ended as the man and the bed were almost gently deposited in a field near a park over five miles away!

Emergency personnel, upon arriving at the scene, were shocked to see the man completely unharmed. And rather than going to the hospital to be checked out, he requested they drop him off at area thrift shop, as all his clothes had been stripped from his body.

And so began the legend of Twister Dan the Naked Man! [Novel to come in the fall of 2019]

When science and compassion are at odds! An interview.

Today, I have with me Dr. Danomanno Dingo! Dr. Dingo is a renown scientist who has had numerous submissions for Nobel prizes over the past many decades. He's promised to answer some questions, today, regarding America's seemingly endless love with all things science.

Narr: 'Dr. Dingo. Is it true that many of the worlds leading scientist look up to you on questions regarding just about everything?'

Dr. Dingo: 'Why yes, thank you for asking. After getting my degree from the University of Detroit back in the 50's, I have endeavored to seek out only the truth concerning many questions that plague us even this day.'

Narr: 'That's great to know doctor. And please tell us where you stand politically?'

Dr. Dingo: ' Politically? Really? The fact is, young man, I don't think much about politics other than to say that those folks on MSNBC really seem to have their 'stuff' together. What was that program... Oh, yes. Those folks who are on that program called The Five. Why they're just the jam in my jellyroll!'

Narr: 'Jam? What? Let's just try and stay on topic sir. The reason I decided to interview you today was to talk about science and what the enormous costs of doing has done to America...'

Dr. Dingo: 'Oh my, now that's a hot button topic isn't it. Well yes, some science is OK. Bit other areas are really just a waste of time! Take NASA, for instance. Over the past many decades, they've been shooting those crazy men and women all over space and for what. The only thing NASA ever developed out of the entire space effort was the Slinky.. [Dr. Dingo hold one up which immediately falls out of his hand and slinks down onto the floor.] Why did we spend over 30 trillion dollars to develop a lousy cheap toy? That just don't make no sense! What we could have done was house ALL those nice migrant folks, whose a still coming up over the border, for them kind of bucks. But no way Jose! And now NASA is all a twitter over a 'picture' of some black hole! Why heck, if they wanted a something like that, my girlfriend is available to...'

Narr: 'No, let's not go there sir. OK? What I wanted to ask you was just how real do you think climate change is and do you think AOC was correct when she stated we have only twelve more years?'

Dr. Dingo: 'AOC? Oh, you must mean that Alexandria chick. Man, that's one hot Latino. [DanO grins and winks.] Well, that woman certainly has her head screwed on straight! Yes sir, climate change is a fact of life that all the scientists, I know of, fully support. I mean it is changing and cows do fart and that's exactly what I am talking about!' [Dingo stoops down to pick up his Slinky and stuffs it into his pants].

Narr: 'So, I take it you think America should do less science stuff and be more compassionate to illegal aliens. Is that about right?'

Dr. Dingo: 'Damn straight! If we could just round us up all those billionaire and, you know squeeze every penny we could outta them, heck everything would be free free free to all the down trodden in our society. You know who I'm talking about. Poor people like that Pelosi woman. Who needs space? And shucks, now that I think of it, we already got ourselves places like China and Russia to take care of the great beyond. Let's let them do that stuff while we sit back and get us some free housing, healthcare, education and food! Then, we could all sit back and see what happens....'

What a great idea - mutated mosquitoes!

January 4, 2019 - For the first time, researchers have begun large-scale releases of the genetically engineered insects, into a high-security laboratory in Terni, Italy. The insects were custom designed to carry and to inject tiny flesh eating microbes into a target host that would then rapidly multiply and dissolve the host from within.

"This will really be a breakthrough experiment," says Ruth Stooler, an entomologist who runs the lab. It's a historic moment. But, God forbid if they ever got out into the world at large!"

The goal was to see if the mosquitoes could eventually provide a powerful new weapon to help eradicate malaria in Africa, where most cases occur.

"It's very exciting," Mueller says, but warned that the 'very same mosquitoes' still have an appetite for biting humans and livestock as well. She then assured this reporter that the enclosure was perfectly 'fail safe' and that no mosquito could ever get out during the testing phase.

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 Reuters - Feb 12, 2019 -  Reports of escaped mutant mosquitoes have been reported and seemed to be rapidly spreading all over southern Italy. The World Health Organization is investigating.

Note: While this story is made up fiction. Researchers are actually messing around with the genetics of an insect that can rapidly spread disease.What could possibly go wrong? The original story released by NPR can be seen by clicking here!

Is Apple preparing for the coming civil war?

The rumor mills were in high gear after hearing news of Apple's recent purchase of a Military base. A location where the company said they planned to test a new car concept. Balderdash, I say!

Here's my take on the real deal here. Apple is secretly working with Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and other left wing nuts in a vast plan to take over the United States. Outrageous you say? Just consider the players involved here. Apple is losing money left and right and is growing desperate. Nancy and Chuck are merely desperate at the thought of losing power. Combine the two with additional financial backing from Soros and you have the capitol needed to purchase weapons of war! Yes, before we know it, retired B-52 bombers will be flying CAP over Silicon Valley California!

Remember you heard it here first!

I guess things could be worse!

News anchor DanO Dingo with the KDIP News:

11:00 AM EST - 'Good even and here is the news for this December the 5^th, 2018. I'm DanO Dingo and events were certainly heating up domestically as throngs of irate college students, dressed in ANTIFA garb, have now completely trashed downtown San Francisco in an apparent protest against Donald Trump and his attempts to shore up troops at our southern border! We're also informed that some seventy five thousand 'refugees' were even now storming random sites all across California and Arizona. Causality counts, while sketchy, were said to be mounting into the hundreds.'

12:00 Noon - 'DanO here and we have some somber news to report as a reported 100,000 plus Chinese shock troops were said to be headed for the Russian border in response to threats made by Putin to 'shut down that 'slant-eyed backward country' once and for all.'

12:20 PM - 'Boy folks. It's been a heck of a day already as reports are now coming in telling KDIP News that some type of nuclear weapon or weapons were detonated somewhere in Israel only minutes ago. Details are still very sketchy at this time, but all indications point to Iran as the responsible party. We'll follow that story and report back to you when there's more new information.'

12:45 PM – 'Scientists are now telling KDIP News that the floor of Owen's Valley near Yosemite has abruptly risen three feet over an area of approximately twenty five miles. Rumors of the super volcano that rests just below that spot, now rumored to becoming active, are flying over the airwaves as thousands of frightened citizens flee to the West Coast.'

1:00 PM - ' President Trump has announced that a Nationwide broadcast will be given by him concerning the loss of over half the worth of the Stock Market, just since the opening bell at the start of this day's trading. We've learned that he plans to announce the setting up of 'soup kitchens', for anyone who will not be able to afford to pay for their meals in the short term. Chuck Schumer was also scheduled to make an announcement where it was rumored that he planned to blame the sudden market drop squarely on the Trump administration.'

2:00 PM – 'DanO here. Well, just when you thought things could get worse, they did. The General Accounting Office for the US government has just issued a statement declaring that there is 'no more money' to pay for entitlement programs as most of the GNP will be directed towards paying just the interest on the National Debt. The action will 'severely affect benefits' coming from Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security, for the foreseeable future. One official was heard to say, 'Good luck out there everyone'.'

5:00 PM – 'Hillary Clinton has just announced that she intends to run on a joint ticket with Oprah Winter for the 2020 electoral race for the Presidency! Good luck to them both. In other more exciting news, the KDIP News organization was just acquired by Media Matters, a George Soros run conglomerate. In a prepared statement, Mr. Soros assured everyone that KDIP would continue to publish only the truth, as he saw fit!'

9:00 PM – 'Sadly, this will be my final broadcast, as the new ownership has decided to replace me with Louis Farrakhan, beginning tomorrow morning. Mr. Farrakhan has promised us he will tone down his rhetoric on the Jewish problem and that hewill really clean up his act concerning 'those damn Middle Class white crackers'. That was all the news for this Wednesday in December! I'm DanO Dingo and I'll see ya all around'

What's the X-37B Military Space Plane doing up there?

The latest mystery mission of the U.S. Air Force's robotic X-37B space plane has now passed the 400-day mark with no clear deadline of returning home.

This mission - known as Orbital Test Vehicle (OTV-5) - was rocketed into Earth orbit on Sept. 7, 2017, atop a SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket from Launch Complex 39A at NASA's Kennedy Space Center in Florida.

The un-crewed space plane is carrying out secretive duties during the X-37B program's fifth flight. A fact that has not escaped the shrewd minds of people like Chuck Schumer and Dianne Feinstein, two feisty Democrats of recent Brett Kavanaugh fame. Without any factual corroboration, they've both accused Trump of evil doings with the craft... (uh, where have I heard that before)?

One possibility that was leaked by a high ranking official indicated that the plane was equipped with hi-tech missiles that could hit any target at will. Another was that the planes had a sinister virus on board that was flu-like, but much more deadly. Upon release, only those (Republicans) who had gotten special 'flu shots' would be likely to survive the winter. Lastly, there is a chance that the plane has test 'structures' on board that are being exposed to long term periods in space. Personally, I like option two the best!

Clear evidence of border children's abuse!

Horrific! Do Republicans have NO SHAME?

Close up! Oh my!

Breaking news! Photographic evidence emerged, which reportedly showed members of the Republican Party abusing young children at the southern border where they are being held and reportedly tortured! The photographs shown here were provided by someone named 'Chuck', a high ranking member member of the very kind, benevolent and so very progressive Democratic Party. 'The party of the future! The ONLY party who approves of totally open borders!'

A sanctuary condo??

It finally came to me that fighting the Left was getting to be a real bore and that perhaps I could become an active participant in the whole immigration thingy. To that end, I decided to offer up my condominium as a SANCTUARY CONDO and advertised its availability in local papers south of the border. I placed only a few ads down there and was overwhelmed with the positive responses. 

That's when I started to do some math. First off, I realized that most, if not all my new potential nationals would not have US currency, but only pesos on them when they arrived. So, I came up with a conversion table to make their early stay in America as convenient as possible....

 It  quickly became apparent that I could attain approximately $20K per month if I could manage to stack 24 Mexicali into the limited space I had available. And, after the first month, I'd already have enough cash to buy another condo and so on.... Of course, I also realized that some people (mostly Republicans) would be a little upset and would be likely to cause problems. So, a full time dude from the ACLU would be needed to run interference and to gain national press attention. America! What a country!

California beckons!

To all those who seek a new start in a country of plenty, I would give you California! I've even sent Jerry Brown a letter asking that he throw open his state to absolutely anyone in the world who would like to enjoy a free ride... You know, until they could really settle in to the Welfare concept and all...

Perhaps LA could erect a giant statue in their bay, with a large sign that would proclaim:

Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to enjoy the bounty of others! Come ye, the wretched refuse, the genetic slag, the malcontents, terrorists, crooks, hairballs and drug traffickers here to our LA shore. Oh wretched World, send the Golden State your worthless, most vile unto me, I lift my lamp of plenty beside that golden door!

I would even like to enjoin the State of California to possibly fund and develop a high speed free rail system directly linking South American countries, (with express service through Mexico) to select cities like San Diego, LA, San Jose and San Francisco. Trains arriving each day, like clockwork, loaded with teeming masses of the illiterate and the poor who could be dumped directly into American society and Gov Jerry Brown's lap – (I bet that the effect to the Calif economy would be sort of like a junkie injecting black tar heroin into his scrotum sack). Wow! Just think of the rush Jerry, not to mention all those brand new Democratic voters!

An aside: This article was not about the people of California, but rather what I feel are political and infrastructural issues that desperately need addressing! As an official sanctuary state, California thumbs its nose at the rule of law. Not a good thing for our Nation. I also made a glancing sort of reference to the Express train that Gov Jerry Brown promised would cost 30 billion, but which is now estimated at twice twice that amount, is behind schedule and is not supported by private concerns...

McCallisters and the Gumdrop!

In the small town of Narge, somewhere in the USA, lived two small venues. One was upscale while the other one was no scale at all. Both served food and booze and had loyal followers. McCallisters offered a clean environment in which to eat with clean air to breath as you did so. Families frequented the establishment and most said they were content with the experience. The other facility lurked quietly on the same road, although it did not share in the same type of sparkle that it might have. You see the Gumdrop had grown a tad seedy over the years and decades. Entering the place, one had a sense of wandering onto the set of the Twilight Zone. That is if you could see very clearly through the wafting clouds of cancerous smog the constantly pervaded the air and which caressed every surface. Ah yes, two venues that could not be further apart and in the end only one survived!

We're all smoke free, so now what?

Tsk tsk..

 In the spirit of all the health movements that have swept the country in recent years, I decided to get the ball rolling on the big elephant in the room; obesity.

Back in July of 2015, A smoke-free ordinance for public and workplaces was passed by the City of Branson Board of Alderman.   The new requirements are intended to protect the health of citizens, visitors, patrons, and workers against the dangers of tobacco smoke, including secondhand smoke. The ban included:

• All enclosed workplaces and facilities;
• All enclosed public places;
• Within 6 feet of outside entrances, operable windows and ventilation systems where smoking is prohibited.  
• Within 4 feet of outside entrances, operable windows and ventilation systems where smoking is prohibited in the downtown district. 

That was a very fair and progressive thing to do by people who like to tell other people what liberties they might or might not enjoy. These same ideologues were nice enough to allow vaping for the time being, so nicotine addicts would still be able to get their 'fix'.

But now, I feel it's was past time that we begin to tighten up (pun intended) restrictions on those of us which are a few too many pounds overweight! After all, it is a well known fact that fat people are having heart attacks and strokes in record numbers. As a matter of fact, according to the National Institutes of Health, obesity and overweight together are the second leading cause of preventable death in the United States, close behind tobacco use. An estimated 300,000 deaths per year are due to the obesity epidemic. Oh my!

To that end, I hope to spearhead a citywide effort to force people to lose weight when they dare to venture out to eat, by requiring all the local eateries to offer one of the many 'Slimline' meals my company is now putting on the market. Yes, special meals customized for those considered to be a 'few too many pounds' over the limit. Slimline Inc. is a startup company that is based in India (really cheap labor), that puts out a 'healthy' and 'progressive' line of meals that are guaranteed to cause weight loss for anyone who is in need. Take my 'Slimline Turkey platter' No 472334, as a case in point. At only $6.99, your customers will get a healthy slice of turkey, a salad with bread sticks and a small cup of nuts! at just over 200 calories! Yessiree, your overweight clientele will begin to shed those pounds in no time.

Now that's a meal!

Now, I know what your all wondering. How the heck does a restaurant manager know if someone is overweight? I'm glad you asked! One of the requirements of the new law I'm proposing will be for every eatery in the infected area be required to order a Slimline Health-O-Scale that will be located by the entrance of every restaurant. When a customer enters and steps on the meter, either a green or a red light will flash - if you get a red light - Oops, you'll need to order yourself a 'Slimline' meal! Now how's that for real progressiveness??

Just remember, 'Dining on Slimline is divine'! Let it be your path to a healthy and disease free lifestyle, whether you want that or not.

How things are going to go!

If there is one potential piece of good news in the way I see our near future, it will be that the Republican Party will be held blameless, as the party will have ceased to exist!