Friday, November 25, 2011

Critique: Hormel Compleats Turkey & Dressing

Somewhere in the dark recess of my addled brain, I can remember eating something from this line of products called Hormel Compleats; but what the word ‘compleats’ means I’m not sure. (Possibly a word taken from the Greek compleare meaning dire intestinal distress).  It’s also not a frozen entrée, so I have to guess that whatever meat (turkey??) is in there must be swimming in a sea of preservatives. Perhaps Hormel has discovered how to preserve stuff in the same manner that the Egyptians learned to preserve their mummies (sic).

According to the directions, it can be ready in just ’90 seconds!’ Wow, the last time I saw something ready to go that fast, I was hormone filled teenager….but, that’s a story for another time. Ninety seconds huh? Ah, yes, I can see now that the microwave will be involved. You have to slit it and then nuke it. (Optionally, you can also place the entire plastic container (un-slited?) into a pot of boiling water and simmer for 8-9 minutes). So, let me see now, that’s 90 seconds versus 9 minutes. Think I’ll just go ahead and nuke this bastard into submission!


How does this entrée stack up? All categories here are on a scale of 1= disgusting to 10 = multiple orgasms.

Pkg art:      7    Nifty package design. Gosh, this does look inviting!                    
Reality:      4    Reminds me of my college biology dissection class! And this is the bile gland...
Cost:          3    @ $2.95 in Nov 2011 – very high for an entrée!     
Smell:        3   MRE’s smell better than this sh**! Or, at least they smell...               
Texture:     2    Very little that was pleasant…rather like gruel with meat chunks!
Taste:        3    Gag me! I think I’ve been assaulted here!         
Avg:           3.7 Words fail me! Someone please call a toxicologist!


Looking at the nutritional label is a telling experience. The serving size is 283 grams for a caloric content of 290 calories. (Warning: Anytime I see a packaged food that delivers a calorie per gram, I’m a little cautious). The cholesterol is also high at 45 mg. (remembering folks that this is an entrée and not a full meal). Likewise, you are being asked to ingest 960 milligrams of sodium or about 40% of the recommended daily intake!

Bottom Line:

Nuke it, inspect the remains for yourself, then chuck it into the garbage can uneaten! That is the last of anything from this company I plan to purchase. Wait I take that all back! I will keep a couple of these on hand for those occasions when relatives come to visit! 'More stuffing Aunt Edna?'

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