FDA to issue rule requiring paper spoons, knives and forks!

After receiving complaints from numerous political action groups; the EPA has determined that some food services will no longer be allowed to use plastic knives, spoons and forks as part of their offerings. Citing both environmental and HLS concerns, the FDA has decreed that plastic utensils do indeed pose a 'clear and present danger' to the public. Additionally, the environmentalists state that plastic utensils are not a 'green' product, while the Homeland Security people feel that plastic can still potentially 'penetrate' a human body under extreme circumstances, and therefore should now be considered contraband by law!

In response, the EPA has now directed that all food services in 2016, who cater to select select mass transportation carriers, be required to serve only paper based utensils! And, while they freely admit that these items will be fragile in nature, they promised to issue pamphlets advising consumers to please 'eat rapidly'.

President Obama was said to have hailed this move as a 'fair, progressive and safe' direction for Americans and discouraged the hoarding of the plastic variety.Your friendly government is everywhere - protecting you from cradle to grave, whether you want them to or not!